May 17, 2010

  • Family

    It has been weighing heavily on my mind these days on what makes a family, and what exactly does having a family mean.  Having been brough up in a fairly traditional Chinese household, I feel that today, as I begin the approach to my 40th birthday, that I have done the best I could straddling that societal line of the Chinese culture versus the "American" culture.  Mind you it was not easy growing up this way - there were several barriers that I had to overcome both as the daughter of Chinese parents and as a societal member of the American society.  However as I sit here today, looking at my beautiful child, having my wonderful Caucasian husband cater to my needs as I am still struggling with a bad sinus infection, I realize that how I am living my life today is the embodiment of employing aspects from both cultures and finding a working parallel, so to speak, in balancing what are times contradictory values, into a set of values that we have laid before us and in the future of our son as a bi-racial person.

    Not having grown up in an overly demonstrative family (hugs, words of love, etc.), there is no question my brother and I were loved and still loved, we were just shown it more than it being spoken to us.  However I believe that it is important to hear that you are loved than to not hear it at all, which is why Duke and I have made it a priority in OUR family to tell each other how much we love and care about one another on a daily basis.  That affirmation means more than just knowing you have someone that loves you, it also provides a sense of belonging as well as a sense of security in knowing that we are not all alone in this vast world of ours.

    I am happy, today, tomorrow, I am happy and will always remain as such.  There is enough negativity in this world today that does not need me to add to it - especially having faced my mortality head on, fighting for one's life every day changes one's perspective on all things that are relevant. 

    We moved to Richland, Washington from Portland, Oregon for two reasons:  1) we wanted a community that would provide the right opportunities for our son to grow, both academically and athletically; and 2) I wanted to be closer to MY famiily as none of us are getting any younger, and I want to be able to cherish these next years with my parents, whom I have been away from far too long.  If there is one thing they really nailed down deep into my soul, was that family is the most important thing we have in life - and I truly believe that.  I love my parents deeply, and though I know that I have never quite lived up to their expectations as a daughter, I just hope that we can look forward instead of backwards.  There are many decisions I have made in the past that yes, I do regret, but what can one do about that but move on?  And again, especially after the battle I fought recently, it is a time for NO regrets. 

    To me, now, life is about LIVING it and living it for the day and for the next.  When my husband and I look back, we realize there is nothing we regret about moving back to the place I grew up.  For once, in a very long time, things are slowly falling into place for us and we couldn't be more excited about what the future holds for us.  This is what life is about - not dwelling on the past, on past mistakes, errs in judgement, missed opportunities, I could go on.

    Live life as you would if you knew it to be your last day on earth - that is how I face every day, and I'm still here, happy, albeit a bit under the weather, but still fighting all the same. 

    Okay, enough of my rant! :)   I just wanted to say a little something about how things have changed for me and how much I truly love my family - for all their support especially.  It's hard to not get sucked into the negativity of life, as I believe once you start down that path, then your hope also starts to fade. 

    I'll be posting some pictures shortly so enjoy!